there's someone in my head – but it's not me

she drove me insane for a while

then, suddenly, nothing made sense anymore

she stopped, as if the insane-driving wasn’t enough for her

as if she didn’t get off anymore, on just seeing me squirm

she wouldn’t return my pleasantries, she wouldn’t talk to me

anymore; she would just stand there, frozen half-smile

just gaze into nothing and cold hands encircled by cigarette smoke

I always had the feeling that we shared the 7 years of lust

just when we shared my circle of life; limited to close quarters;

invisible boundaries set by my social skills; never outside,

never within her world; “when I was hungry and it was your world”

said Dylan ages ago;

I recognize nothing of her world anymore; I even get myself lost

in mine, entangled in images of what we used to share at times

eyes closed and hint of her scent covering my imagination

leaving her behind, like a wounded soldier, seems the only

viable option, given the time and the place; no turning back.

no hidden tears or torn out emotions; just emptiness, left out on the pavement

to pick up and fill the remaining holes in my mind;

the delusional lover portrayed days ago – is finally coming to an end;

ignorance – the sweet revenge over the pain

care free environment – the pale blanket over the past months history

I’ll miss the big eyes; I’ll yearn for the long soft hair occasionally brushing against my cheek

I’ll picture that smile turning around from dark corners and lighting up my day

I’ll fall asleep with the soft tone of voice in my head, kitty-like words rolling towards me

lust and illusion – wait your turn; not on friendly grounds anymore; not welcome

anymore

turn around and never

look back